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December third, 2011 at 9.22am (Saturday) marked another milestone in journey in life. I am happy that my fiance was there with me to complete this transaction :)

A whole new world openned, a entire new learning experience, and a whole lot of new challenges ahead. With God in my heart, i will smile and enjoy all the grace and glory from this day onwards.

20-11-2011

Chinese usually have special interest on dates and 20112011 was on of them.. 20th of November, 2011

Mum asked me to have a small house warming to significant the fact that i have moved in to my new house. No one was at home though for this last minute event, so eventually my VVIP was my sister which i drag her along to my new house and i boiled a pot of water and made coffee for her to drink. There was no furniture at home, so we both lay on the bed and gossip :)

So there u have it... my small and interesting house warming ceremony :)

What is it in for me?

Time Spend, Money Spend
Effort done, Work Completed
Argumenent Heated, Anger spread
What is it in for me?

Work Venture, Love drifted
Decision Conflict, Name calling
Finger pointing, Ego flaring
What is it in for me?

U tell me i am the boss
But u call me bossy
Isnt that ironic, but
What is it in for me?

Unappreciated, Stressed, Tired
A tired u
A tired me,so
What is it in for me?

if u dont know me by now

this song was made famous by Simple Red. The meaning is so deep and intense.

So if u dunno me by now, u will never never know me. No u wont. Everyday, day in day out, people sees us, hears us, thinks about us, critic about us and so forth. But to that one person that thinks the world of u, knows u inside out how u are feeling and what makes u do the thing u do. No judgement needed, no question required. It is hard.

All my life, i have been independent and do not need to rely on others. My security and comfort zone is within my control. I built walls around me so i wont get hurt and expose my vulnerability. Many have tried and failed, some have suceeded and made it worst beyond repair.

I used to drink a lot in my younger days, after the nite is over, when my friends crash, boom , bang allowing booze to run their body, i would still be sober. I will be alert and block the influence of alcohol to win me over, eventually made me stop drinking.

But i am scared, so scared that the walls are getting taller and thicker, i fear, if i get built inside this wall and trap within the walls and never see the daylight again....

New House Project

After a couple of mths of running around to lawyers office, bank, utilities facilities, finally i got my keys to the house on 10/7/2011.

I initially wanted to DIY most of the stuff inside the house, but figured i cant find the time and i fear i may give up half way. So finally gave in to my parents advise and got profesionals to get the job done.

So paint job started on Monday 10/10 and now after a couple of days, the house is almost painted.

Mom is bugging to paint my house white so it looks bigger, but i dont want it to be white and prefered earthier colour like champange brown. So glad i won :)

Will update soon on progress once i have them :)

xoxo

Growing up

Everyone changes including myself. More so when individuals have found thier other halfs. I take it as growing up process. We do things that may not be what we are comfortable with rather what of our other halfs wants us to be. I saw this today and it was hard but i had to bite my tongue not to say nor comment!

Each of us has values our parents our culture and enviroment has instill in us but also as we grow unconciously we start to compile new sets of values we would like to share with our children.

So yeah everyone changes, rules changes, customs changes. The only constant thing is change will take place so we have to be prepared to face it head on and adapt.

xoxo

A Emotional Day

This was probably most anticipated date todate. My parents looks calm and probably that should be a warning sign to me :).

So when he called me telling me he is outside my house, my heart jump a beat. As I open the gate to let him in, my family, all got prepared, sitted and waiting. He first talk to my dad, telling my parents his intention and my dad spoke first. He approved and had a few reminders to him and while he was laying out the term, I saw my dad choke and took a few seconds before he could speak. He spoke of our differences and how we need to be tolerant to each other and have respect for each other.

Once done, my mum ask him to follow her to the kitchen and spoke to him
She ask on his background and lay out the terms with him. Thank God all went well. I was so overwhelm by all this and I seriously didn’t realize how important all this was to me. I really meant everything. I was so happy my family have accepted him as part of the family.

So the planning begins! :) Wish me luck folks

Preparations

I never realized how much work need to be put in on planning a event. There is so many factor to consider, the schedule, the arrangement, the family emotion, budget, my emotion and etc etc

I just hope all will fall into place.

Wish me luck

Afraid

This question has been asked to me many many many times. I should be familiar with this situation but deep down i know i am scared, afraid, fragile. I guess a broken glass will not fully be new even after patching. Each time i feel as if asked to jump from the cliff. My parachute may or may not open or maybe i may not need it. Some told me i should just enjoyed the journey, the process, the sweetness, the sour, and all of the above. But WHAT?? What is holding me back?

Journal on HM

It all started as invitation from his friends to go jogging and after a couple of days joing in the morning, he likes it and from his face when he describe them to me, i knew that look, that cute, smitten look and those eyes speaking the unspoken language of words... i can see his passion that i will join him. So i did but i tell u it was not easy !!

So i told him i will go to the park myself, so on Mar 26, 2011, 6.30am my alarm rang, i woke up, gave up and continue to sleep thinking i will go if he calls. When he did at 6.45am, i made those adorable moan that i am so sleepy and cannot wake up :) with no sense of shame. Then i heard that silent voice from him when he say, that's fine, if u are tired, then u dun have to come. I even reply " ok syg, u go and enjoy yourself". But gosh i felt so bad! so guilty! so lazy!

Guess what? at 7.10am, he msg me, saying, if i wanna come then come, he will wait for me by the lake... awwww so sweet, by this time, i am up, dress and ready to hit the road. I had my ipod on, and i start to walk, my motivation was to bump into him there. I was alert and looking for him, not realizing i have completed 1 round but he is still not in sight, so i go another round, but half way i thought, maybe he is behind me, so i made a u-turn and i walking about 15mins, our eyes met, smile drawn on our face and i could see that he was so happy to see me and i felt was this is the man i wanna be for the rest of my life.

We finish the track, watch sunrise together and had our breakfast together :)

Rollercoster

Look at the time
Its 3 in the morning
Checking whats mine
Looking for the meaning

I laugh, I sing and I smile
But can u hear the pain?
I love, I live and I care
Can u release my pain?

Its cold, its dark and its lonely
Surreal and scary
Its mean, its rough and its tough
But i wont go down without a fight

Semper Fi

Its Latin and it means " always faithful ". This is a simple 2 words but hard to practice. If there is a tattoo i am getting on me is having this 2 words carve onto my bare skin and have them beautifully displayed.

How do we do this? Why is it so hard to apply? i have no answers, just questions. I guess we will never know.

Thank God its Friday! Not

A usual Friday at work and i saw a long lost fren online so we chated. It was so wonderful to hear good news on a gloomy day. He is expecting a baby in June and career wise, done so well for him self. All those hard work paid off. Hahaha.. he is the core reason i have many SG aquaintance.

Look at the time and it was time to leave office for a work dinner with the senior team. They were all drinking and i was amaze with myself how i could control my urge to take a sip of wine to taste those heavenly fragrance wine, and to make things tough was there was 3 bottles to sample ;) but NO! i stayed diciplined and refused the tempting offer. Wine would be nice to take my mind away from all this torture and messy situation. Making believe again, walls cracked and need to be restructured all over again.

Well, i guess, i am gonna be a champion and deal this issues head on with a clear head. hmmm... guess that is part and puzzle of being a grown woman

Wish me luck

Reality seeps in

I woke up this morning feeling really tired and dead physically, but my mind is motivating my body to cheer up and to feel alive. So they meet with a agreement. My feet agree to drag me to carry on the day but telling my mind do not expect my feet to be dancing away.

I guess once we overcome the shock and reality sets, we find way to naturally tune the tempo the the background music that is playing. Someone famous once say " Life is like a stage and we are merely the actors". Line chg, plots chg and like it or not, it happens. So many thinks runs thru my head now on my actions last nite. Is that right or not? What if i have done it otherwise? I guess i will never know, but i know i have made a decision and this will be a decision for me to live with.

The journey do not end yet until the day i blow out my last breath. So i guess, as i am still pursuing this odyssey, i will fall and get up and learn along the way. I do sincerely hope that all this experience will make me a more stronger, graceful and wise woman.

Wake up call

There is awakening everyday but the question is are we sensitive enough to realize it. And even if u do, what are you gonna do about it? I was surprise wt my actions. It's been sometime now since I look deep into me n I ask my self, what was the most exciting I have done past year? We easily falls into a world of routine n get stuck in it. This wake up call made me realize change is DESPRATE n I m looking in the mirror n I want to start with her.

I need to be stronger n put things into perspective on what is really important n wat do I need? Wat do I wanna achieve? So wish me luck as I clear my backlog of things I want to do but keep putting it off.